What's Ben Doing?: 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Playing Xbox in the Nude

Mssr. Hsu recently spotted playing Xbox in the nude. When asked for comment, the Blue Ranger stated:

"But it makes me feel free. And I like the breeze."

More on this erotic journey of self-expression as it develops

Friday, January 21, 2011

Facebook has confirmed that as of the morning of Jan. 21, 2011, Ben is cold. No details have yet been released as to the extent or expected duration of said coldness. More information will be distributed as it becomes available.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Ben "Iced": Presumably by a Bro

Icing — At 9:30 p.m. on Jan. 10 a local man flanked Ben and "iced" him by handing him a bottle of Smirnoff Ice Twisted V Arctic Berry. A bystander described the turn of events as 'totally epic, bro.' When pressed for comments, Ben declined the interview and silently chugged the "cool refreshing twist of berry-lime burst... with a dark side." The perpetrator ("Bro") has been placed on a protection program as a precautionary measure.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Ben calls it an early night - Nightmares Confirmed!

Final confirmation has just come in, and unfortunately it seems that Ben is in fact having a bad dream. The content of these dreams is of yet unknown, as clinical psychologists cannot quite agree on the specific details of Ben's mental Hellscape. One specialist had this to say:

"It's dark...definitely there's some darkness, though I wouldn't say it's completely dark in there. It's more low-lit, shall we say. And terrifying."

Prayer groups have begun to organize an impromptu candlelight vigil outside Ben's home, and the local Perkins is offering a new breakfast special - the Rind Bender - to coax their favorite customer out of his unrestful slumber with this citrus-heavy crepe dusted with both powdered and brown sugar.

Wake up Ben, you're having a bad dream.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Ben spotted on Facebook

In a brief moment of glory, Ben graced Facebook with his presence and signed in, showing up in the chat list of his hundreds of closest friends and admirers. No trace was left of what he actually did while on Facebook, leading to rampant speculation about his ultimate goal. Could Ben be plotting a rival startup social network? or perhaps thinking of investing some of his millions in Facebook equity?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

EXCLUSIVE: Interview with Ben

What did you eat for lunch today?

Chinese Spaghetti

What color shirt are you wearing?

Button down shirt with grey stripes by American Eagle.

What IS Ben Doing?

I'm currently reading about CES 2011.

Tonight at 7pm central

Ben will be at Samba Brazilian Grill in Madison, WI for all kinds of meat (except Taiwanese, I miss me some Johnny). And then, hopefully, at 10:30pm, he will be playing indoor frisbee. Until then, he will be thinking of a Taiwanese-Korean sandwich. <3

Ben spotted!

Congratulations Ben: Behind the Bravery

Esteemed readers, Halo enthusiasts, bearers of at least one X chromosome...your faithful undercover blog news reporter types these words with a heavy hand, and a heavier heart. New information has come to light: Ben may have beaten Halo Reach's fifth mission on Normal mode.

[I will at this time remind any indignant or enraged parties that screening this content is a responsibility of the viewer, and that WBD accepts no blame for how the article(s) might affect your day/life/sex drive.]

Now, before riots break out and fellow bloggers begin projectile vomiting on their keyboards, let me remind everyone that this has yet to be confirmed. Even so this is alarming news, and already the reverberations are being felt, within the gaming community at least. Major League Gaming commentator Chris Puckett intimated that OGRE 2, the 4th place runner-up in the 2010 MLG Tournament, had originally planned on extending an offer to Ben for their next run at Halo Firefight. A member of OGRE2, that asked to remain anonymous, had the following to say:

"We heard about Ben's amazing victory on Mission V and naturally, we were intrigued. This guy showed some real promise, you know? I mean, the zealot didn't even get away! And then you hear about it being on...on normal mode."

The interviewee had to quit the interview earlier than anticipated due to a complete loss of bowel control.

For now, the horizon looks bleak for Ben's gaming reputation. Hopefully he's packing an extra life.

MUSING: How does Ben feel about ostriches?

By now, we have a solid idea on where Ben stands on the topics of ducks, lamps and math-related video games. But more importantly, we should be focusing on where he stands on ostriches. If we are to trust Ben to have our back, can we be sure he'll mow down those ugly big nuisances? Or will he hesitate? Because all it takes is a split second and next thing you know, Johnny is dead.

Congratulations Ben!

It has been reported that Ben beat mission V of Halo: Reach last night, and what's more, he managed to kill the Elite Zealot before he could escape!

Everyone be sure to congratulate Ben on this pair of remarkable achievements!

DOES BEN HATE DUCKS??

Sources indicate that Ben planned to eat practically a whole barnyard's worth of animals last night (and a lamp), but no mention of duck! Could it be that Ben is so repulsed by ducks that he refuses to eat them? Or perhaps just the opposite: maybe he hates all non-duck animals so much that he angrily eats them/yells at them/never plays Halo: Reach with them.

More info as it develops. For now, one thing is for certain: Ben is not duck-neutral.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Rumor Mill: Ben to dine at a Churrascaria?

The latest whispers say that Ben plans to dine at a churrascaria for tomorrow night's dinner. Could it be the Sabor Brazilian Steakhouse in Milwaukee? The source also revealed that Ben could be enjoying the famous 2-for-1 mojitos special. No word yet on whether there will be any lychee infusion involved. Stay Tuned!